Finding Your Nexus
I'm going to be really honest, I've had some lonely days recently. Not lonely in the sense that I haven't been around enough people, or don't have enough people in my life who value and support me, but lonely because I've been reminded that sometimes I don't quite feel like all of me fits... anywhere.
I came to my church when I was a 19 year old baby who had just moved out, and they have accepted me, loved me, fed me, and housed me... but sometimes it still doesn't feel like all of me fits. My religious history was very restrictive, a background many won't fully understand no matter how much they love me. My current theological study subjects are on the (unholy) marriage of Christian religious organization with government, spaces of social power, and colonization, as well as my constant desire to connect with God through my lived feminine experience, neither topics being typical sermon choices for my church or most churches.
I've connected recently with many grounded, spiritual women who have staked out incredible spaces of collaboration and sisterhood, but many of them don't participate in Christian faith, so there's an integral aspect of my life we don't share, besides my childhood history.
But I want to tell you what I learned when I was writing my book, and my friend Kelly told me "It has to be you." She told me I had to be the one to write this book, because of the intersections I sit at, because of my nexus. I have learned that the intersections at which I can experience exquisite loneliness hold great potential for connection and power, because if I'm feeling alone, other people are facing these intersections and feeling alone too.
As it turns out, I'm not actually the only Christian woman sorting out her history of religious trauma, complicity, and internalized misogyny choosing to continually put faith in her Creator who didn't in fact make women as an afterthought. There are at least five of us. Not only that, but because of my experience and study I can bring deeper understanding and unity to everyone in my circles who don't share my faith, or my specific history and experiences.
I still have lonely days, but I have less of them.
Here's what I want you to remember though: Your nexus matters. I believe you sit at important intersections, and we need to hear about how those have formed and sculpted your life. If you're not sure what your nexus is, ask yourself where you feel the most lonely? What information were you missing your whole life that you don't see in every other post on social media? What questions do you feel you're the only one asking? What (or who) do you see being left out of the greater social narrative?
Talk about that. Write about that. Make art and stories and music about that. Create solutions for those problems that no one else noticed.
This is a way to find both purpose and your people.
Once upon a time, I thought to share myself, I had to pick one thing and stick with it forever. What I've learned from watching creative women I adore, is this:
There is room for all of you.
ALL of you.
You don't have to pick one thing. Your intersections are one of the most unique things about you. I have been so blessed to watch creative women show up as their full selves and it's incredibly powerful. Some of my other intersections (besides feminism and Christianity mentioned earlier) include being a powerlifter, MMA practitioner, yogi, gardener, pet parent, wife, auntie, sister, daughter, employee, entrepreneur, highly sensitive person, nature lover, mystic, star & moon gazer, gamer, friend, lover of arts and crafts, and anything fuzzy. The beautiful thing is there is room for ALL of our intersections.
This is how we awaken our inner creatives and find our people. Do you know what your nexus is? I'd love to hear about all your intersections in the comments.